Self-reflection

For some reason, these days have been forcing me to feel more guilty than usual. It seems like I'm driving more people up the wall with what I say.

I guess, after being with TG for so long, I've gotten used to speaking my mind just as how it appears in my head. It seems the time has come again to become more tactful, and to keep my temper better.

With new friends, I suppose I have to watch my temper and my mouth much more closely. I guess I'd have to cut down on all the ''suaning'' and the criticisms. Doesn't mean I won't criticise when it's required though. I'll just try to cut down on the amount of criticism? Probably if it doesn't involve me, I won't express my view, unless it's expected of me. Might be more quiet, and I might seem a lot more unapproachable, but it's all part of the side-effects.

I can't win over everyone as my friends, but I don't want to have to remember that my JC years were not the best because I didn't shut my mouth when it wasn't required.

To take up a back-seat and listen to others.
To stand at the back and observe what others can take.
Quietly seemingly stoning away, but actually silently paying attention.

Ah, but I don't think I'd retreat from the friends who's been supporting me. They deserve seeing the real me, after so much suffering they've already been through. :) Can't guarantee the transition though.

I think I'm still limiting myself in some way, and I'm getting irritated. I'm trying to do my best to be nice here, but it's not working, and I'm getting sick and tired of the way you're treating me. This can be applied to SEVERAL people in my life now, more's the pity.

There's only a thin line between constructive criticism and scoldings, and I don't want to cross that line now.

I just want to enjoy a life that's full of happiness; so am I creating all this trouble because I mind too much? Why is it so difficult to just leave the people who aren't interested alone? I don't need them, so just leave them alone, DAMN IT. Don't care, don't bother, don't want, DON'T NEED. Breathe in, breathe out, relax. If they lose my friendship, it's their loss.

As said before, I don't need to know everyone's names, and wouldn't it be nice to be able to meet someone to make a totally new first impression despite all the wild rumors flying around? So, I don't care for rumors or gossip. If you wish to tell me about it, you'll naturally do so. If you don't need a listening ear, we'll just chat about random topics.

The me today and the me four years ago; they are vastly different. I would think they were irreconcilable now. One loud, one quiet. One often fierce, one always dreamy. One who takes part, one who always stood aside to observe quietly. They are almost opposite poles, how is it that they came from the same soul?