Unexpected depression?

This is the second time that Yeeling's blog post inspired a post.

She's been trying to tell me to stop being distracted by anime, and start studying for O Levels. I appreciate the thought, and really am very grateful for it, but I realised something when I was thinking about this.

First off, I already have been cutting down. I try not to go online, and I'm paying attention in class as much as I can, which is sort of succeeding. My anime, well, it's not being easy on me, but it is my source of relaxation. It is like books to me after all. Besides, I don't bring books to school anymore, did you notice? At least, maybe just the odd one or two.

Second. I realised that I have become more serious than ever about the exams, and stuff. Do you guys know that I never studied for any exams other than on the day itself? This and last year was almost the first time when I really did additional revision for the exams. It has taken a toll on my cheerfulness, I think. I don't smile wherever I go now, unlike in Secondary 1. I remember thinking when I went for piano lessons, why aren't these people smiling? A smile is the best thing that can make another's day.
And now I realise that I have not been smiling myself. In my online chat with Serene, I realised that the acronym LOL for what feels like a very long time. I am quite worried about this, since it was exactly what I feared would happen. I want, and would always want, to be happy.

Remember my favourite phrase used to be 'Don't worry, be happy?' I think it has changed to 'Time can always be squeezed out, just as long as you want it enough.' Time to fit both anime and studying!

I know the O Levels are important, especially when I want to get into Temasek JC, which requires a single digit result. What's more, our batch is one of the most hardworking ones, which really makes me worry. So I have to study.

But I will still try to be happy. That is people's ultimate goal in life after all. Happiness.