Sigh. Sigh. SIGH..! Anger - Ramblings only for those who can take it.

I don't feel like going for EAP anymore. Even though I know that the school has a very good reason to make us come back, it doesn't make me feel any better. What's more, what's with all this holiday homework? I don't want to do college homework now when I'm still in secondary school?! I can do it in college! In any case, I just want to sleep in. I'm complaining so much, and it all comes down to not being able to sleep in late. Sleepy. I can't believe it either. I'm complaining so much because I don't have as much sleep as I would like to have. Isn't that maddening? And I can do something about it too, just that it never seems to happen - an early sleeptime. Sigh. Never mind. It's my fault after all.

Anger. I think it must be the emotion that has the most influence in my body. When I get angry, it's either very easy or very hard to put it down. Now that I think about it, I have never truly let out all my anger before. I don't think I will ever let it out either. Shivers I think I'll be too scary. Usually when I get angry, I just keep it in, except to Den and BeeCheng. Then I rant. But after that, I cool down so fast, sometimes even I'm a little disappointed. What, that's it? And I thought I was angry. Oh well.
But I don't think anyone can tell when I get mad, except Denise and BeeCheng. The two of them are, I think, the only ones who can tell when I'm angry. I think once in Sec 1, I got angry for some reason, one I have a very shrewd idea what about, but I either couldn't or wouldn't show it out. I think it was because I didn't want to scare away them, the new friends yet. So, I was keeping it in, and just keeping quiet in general, smouldering away. Then BeeCheng, walking next to me, suddenly asked 'RuiShan. You angry ah?' The funny thing was that once she said that, I started cooling. I was stunned that she could see that I was. So after that, I stopped dwelling on the reason I got angry, and I cooled down. Kind of easy to make me cool down. Hmm.
Anyway, with Denise, she saw I was angry and she just kept quiet too, until I forced myself to cool down and realised that Denise was keeping very quiet. I was surprised, and even more so why she replied that she thought I was angry, and it would be better to leave me alone until I was fine. Believe me, I was really surprised. I thought she hadn't noticed, so when I knew she did, I was laughing inside. (Who laughs outright in class?!) After that, I didn't keep things to myself anymore, but just ranted on and on to them. But.. I think they don't listen much to my ramblings, since that's just what it is. Ramblings. But I don't mind.. sometimes. Sometimes I forget why I got angry in the first place anyway. )
Extreme anger also makes my heart thud very fast, and very hard, which is another reason why I cool down as fast as soon as I find that I'm getting breathless. (Because I'm getting scared.)

See? RS is human after all. I get scared too. Grins.